You're reading this because someone you loved has died, or is dying, or because you're trying to help someone who is grieving. You want to know: What helps? What should I do? How do I get through this?
The honest answer is that grief can't be "fixed" or rushed. It's not a problem to solve but a process to survive. Yet there are things that can make it more bearable—ways to take care of yourself while you grieve, ways to process the impossible, ways to gradually rebuild a life that still has meaning.
This guide offers practical, evidence-based strategies for coping with grief. Not all of them will resonate with you. Grief is highly individual—what helps one person may feel wrong to another. Take what serves you and set aside what doesn't.
First: Understanding What You're Facing
Grief affects every part of you—mind, body, relationships, sense of self. Understanding that this is normal can help you be gentler with yourself.
What Grief Can Look Like
- Emotional: Sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, relief, numbness, longing, irritability—often changing rapidly
- Physical: Fatigue, sleep problems, appetite changes, body aches, lowered immunity, chest tightness
- Cognitive: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, disorientation, intrusive thoughts, difficulty making decisions
- Social: Withdrawal, changed relationships, difficulty relating to others, feeling like no one understands
- Spiritual/Existential: Questioning meaning, faith challenges, altered sense of purpose
If you're experiencing any of these, you're not "going crazy" or "falling apart." You're grieving. This is your nervous system responding to profound loss.
Taking Care of Your Body
Grief is exhausting. It takes enormous energy just to get through the day. Your body needs support, even when self-care feels impossible or pointless.
Sleep
Grief often disrupts sleep—trouble falling asleep, waking in the night, sleeping too much. Sleep deprivation makes everything harder.
- • Maintain a consistent sleep schedule, even if you're not sleeping well
- • Create a calming bedtime routine
- • Avoid screens before bed (they stimulate the mind)
- • If you can't sleep, rest—lying down still helps
- • Talk to a doctor if insomnia persists; short-term sleep aids may help
Nutrition
You may have no appetite or you may eat for comfort. Neither extreme serves you well over time.
- • Eat regularly, even if small amounts
- • Stock easy, nutritious foods that require no preparation
- • Accept meals from others—this is when those casseroles actually help
- • Stay hydrated (dehydration worsens fatigue and cognitive fog)
- • Limit alcohol; it disrupts sleep and is a depressant
Movement
Exercise is proven to help with depression and anxiety—and grief involves both. But "exercise" doesn't have to mean the gym.
- • A short walk outside counts—sunlight and movement together help
- • Gentle stretching or yoga can release tension held in the body
- • Don't pressure yourself to maintain pre-grief workout routines
- • Any movement is better than none
Avoid Numbing With Substances
Alcohol, drugs, and even excessive food or work can temporarily numb pain—but they prevent processing and can lead to additional problems. If you're relying on substances to cope, please talk to a professional.
Processing Your Emotions
Grief involves painful emotions—and the only way out is through. Suppressing grief doesn't make it go away; it just delays it. Here are ways to let yourself grieve:
Allow the Feelings
When grief waves hit, let them. Cry if you need to. Feel the anger, the longing, the sadness. Fighting against grief takes more energy than allowing it. The wave will pass—it always does, even when it feels like it won't.
Express It Somehow
Research shows creative activities help with grief. Find your outlet:
- • Write: Journal, write letters to the deceased, write about memories
- • Talk: To friends, family, support groups, a therapist
- • Create: Art, music, crafts—expression doesn't require talent
- • Move: Some people process through physical activity
Create Time and Space
You can't process grief in the margins of a packed schedule. Create time for grieving—even 15 minutes of intentional stillness. Some people benefit from a daily grief ritual: looking at photos, sitting in a meaningful place, playing music that evokes memories.
Find What Brings Comfort
This is individual. For some it's music, for others nature, for others prayer or meditation. Pay attention to what soothes you—not what distracts or numbs, but what genuinely comforts—and make space for it.
Connection and Support
Research consistently shows that social support is one of the strongest predictors of healthy grieving. You don't have to do this alone.
Let People In
- • Accept help when offered—meals, errands, company
- • Tell people what you need (most people want to help but don't know how)
- • Be honest when you're not okay—you don't have to perform "doing fine"
- • Say no when social interaction is too much
Find People Who Get It
Not everyone understands grief. Some people are uncomfortable with it, say unhelpful things, or rush you. Seek out people who:
- • Can listen without trying to fix or minimize
- • Let you talk about the deceased without changing the subject
- • Don't impose a timeline on your grief
- • Have experienced significant loss themselves
Support Groups
Grief support groups—offered by hospices, hospitals, churches, and organizations like GriefShare or The Compassionate Friends—connect you with others who truly understand. Hearing others' experiences can normalize your own and reduce isolation.
Honoring and Remembering
Modern grief theory emphasizes "continuing bonds"—maintaining an ongoing connection to the deceased rather than trying to "let go." Creating rituals and ways to honor them can be healing.
Ways to Honor the Deceased
- Create rituals: Light a candle, visit a meaningful place, observe anniversaries
- Preserve memories: Create a memory book, compile photos, record stories from family
- Carry forward: Continue their traditions, support causes they cared about, embody their values
- Talk to them: Many people find comfort in speaking to the deceased—at a grave, at home, in their minds
- Create something: Write about them, make art, plant a garden—something tangible that honors them
Moving Between Grief and Life
The Dual Process Model of grief describes healthy grieving as oscillating between two modes:
Loss-Oriented
Focusing on the loss, grieving, crying, remembering, yearning for the deceased
Restoration-Oriented
Focusing on life changes, taking on new tasks, building new identity, engaging with the world
Both are necessary. If you only focus on loss, you can't rebuild life. If you only avoid loss and focus on moving forward, grief goes unprocessed.
It's normal to feel guilty when you start engaging with life again—laughing, enjoying something, thinking about the future. This isn't betrayal. It's restoration. The person you lost would likely want you to live.
Oscillation looks like: crying at breakfast, functioning at work, laughing with a friend, weeping at night. This back-and-forth is healthy—it's how grief integrates into life.
When to Seek Professional Help
Not everyone needs grief counseling, but it can help—especially in certain circumstances:
Seek Help If:
- • You have thoughts of suicide or self-harm
- • You're using alcohol or drugs to cope
- • Grief is significantly impairing functioning (work, relationships, self-care) after several months
- • You feel constantly numb, hopeless, or worthless (not just sad)
- • Grief isn't improving at all after 6-12 months
- • The loss was traumatic (sudden, violent, suicide)
- • You're experiencing symptoms of prolonged grief disorder
- • You simply want support—you don't need a clinical threshold
Evidence-based treatments for complicated grief are highly effective. If grief feels stuck, help is available.
What Doesn't Help (And What to Say Instead)
If you're grieving, you've probably heard some unhelpful things. Knowing what doesn't help can help you set boundaries—and also guide you in supporting others who grieve.
Things That Don't Help
- • "They're in a better place" (you may not believe that, and it doesn't make them less gone)
- • "At least they're not suffering" (you're still suffering)
- • "Everything happens for a reason" (some things are just terrible)
- • "You should be over it by now" (grief has no timeline)
- • "Stay strong" (sometimes you need to fall apart)
- • "I know how you feel" (no, you don't; each loss is unique)
- • "Let me know if you need anything" (too vague to act on)
Things That Do Help
- • "I'm so sorry. This is awful."
- • "I'm here. I don't know what to say, but I'm here."
- • "Tell me about them" (letting someone talk about the deceased is a gift)
- • "I'm bringing you dinner on Tuesday" (specific, actionable help)
- • Simply being present, without filling silence
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you cope with grief?
Coping with grief involves allowing yourself to feel your emotions, taking care of your physical health (sleep, food, movement), accepting support from others, creating rituals to honor the deceased, and gradually re-engaging with life. There's no "right" way—coping looks different for everyone. Research shows healthy grieving involves oscillating between focusing on the loss and focusing on restoration.
What helps grief the most?
Research shows several factors help most with grief: social support (having people who can listen without trying to "fix" it), maintaining basic self-care (sleep, nutrition, movement), allowing time and space to process emotions, finding meaning or ways to honor the deceased, and professional help when needed. The single most important factor is connection—having someone who can witness your grief without judgment.
What are the 5 stages of coping with grief?
The "5 stages" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) are widely known but not scientifically supported as how grief actually works. Research shows grief is more individual and non-linear. A better model is the Dual Process Model, which describes healthy grieving as oscillating between "loss-oriented coping" (processing the loss) and "restoration-oriented coping" (rebuilding life)—not moving through fixed stages.
When should you seek help for grief?
Seek professional help if: you have thoughts of suicide or self-harm, you're using alcohol or drugs to cope, grief is significantly impairing daily functioning (work, relationships, self-care) after several months, you feel constantly numb or hopeless, grief isn't improving at all after 6-12 months, or you simply want professional support. You don't need to meet a clinical threshold to benefit from grief counseling.
Related Resources
References & Further Reading
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224.
Pereira, M., et al. (2024). From grief to growth: The role of coping strategies, kinship and cause of death. Omega.
Lundorff, M., et al. (2017). The effectiveness of grief counseling: A meta-analysis. Death Studies, 41(9), 574-587.
Klass, D., et al. (1996). Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. Taylor & Francis.